this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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