Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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