You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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