The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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