I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
