party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
