Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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