everyone is single if you try hard enough
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
