I accidentally had phone sex last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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