it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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