the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
