One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
