So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
