Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
