there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
