The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
