so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
