I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
