I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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