There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
