Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
