Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
