Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
