I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
