she looked like the before picture.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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