so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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