I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
