There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
