She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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