What did we do last night that was yellow?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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