if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
