i just wanna soil my oats bro
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
