I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
