um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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