You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
