I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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