I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
