Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
