Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
