Porn is love you can see.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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