if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
