I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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