The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pooping to opera.
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