it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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