We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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