What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
