I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
