she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
