Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
