What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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