I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They are going to name an STD after you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
