it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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