apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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