dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
