can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
