I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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