Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
