The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
