matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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