Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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