and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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