He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize