I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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