Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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