I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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