We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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