the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
