I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
