It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
