"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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