in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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