I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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