Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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