My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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