If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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