he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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