I need help removing her.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
