I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
