its not stalking. its research.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
