We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
