shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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